Age Without Regrets
This story is a gentle reminder of the transience of time, the deep value of elder wisdom, and the quiet gifts found in simply spending time together. It invites us to reflect on living while ageing.
“I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.”
This is the number one regret of the dying according to the best-seller The Top Five Regrets of the Dying by Bronnie Ware. Published in 32 languages and read by over one million people the book’s wisdom curated by an Australian care giver who spent a lot of time with end-of-life patients and the elderly.
A visit to a care home a few weeks ago in the west of Ireland had a profound impact on me. It prompted me to write this little piece. Our elders are such an integral part of our community. I felt compelled. This was a visit like no other. A Sunday drive that started out at the Willy Clancy festival and ended up with another Willy, a living legend, up the road overlooking Liscannor bay.
Well, isn’t it great to be alive?” Willy sighed enthusiastically.
There he was – the tall, handsome man I had heard so much about over the years – and I was finally meeting him. Crystal pale blue eyes, peacefully perched in the armchair. His tall slim body dressed in the latest fashion and despite fading eyesight and hearing, his mind was fully engaged. Cheerfully greeting his old friends and getting straight into chats. This man knew my parents long before they were married, all the way back to 1960s London. He knew parts of their story I didn’t. He was delighted to be reunited with them. Willy was 101 years of age.
In my five decades on this planet, I had never met a man over 100. I once met a stylish 102-year-old woman in the states who invited us back to her condo for ice-tea. Now, listen, we all know a good man can be hard to find these days – never mind one beyond 100! Like a diamond in the Burren rocks.
About an hour into conversation, I couldn’t help but ask Willy the secret to his longevity, especially since he didn’t have a wrinkle on his face. He gently smiled and replied, “I have no idea how I’m still here! I suppose it’s in my genes. My parents lived long lives. None of us drank or smoked.” He remarked how stress and worry are not good for a person. People in their 40s and 50s often take life too seriously, he said. There was a long pause, and then he added, “Oh, and I never got married.” Willy declined the tea and biscuits that arrived on a tray for us to share. He carried no extra weight.
Willy had followed his soul’s calling back to Co Clare. His home on a hill overlooks the Aran Islands just up the road from Doolin – he still visited it, the odd weekend. Willy’s passion for sport and traditional music lives on. It's in the bones of those raised around there. That sunny afternoon visit shifted something in me. My parents suddenly seemed younger – we all did. My sister was like a teenager behind the wheel. Perspective is a wonderful thing. We drove out the gate in awe of this legend.
Willy’s clean health and positive outlook as a centenarian are rare. Have you ever spent a lot of time around someone who constantly complains? Suffering usually bubbles below the surface. It’s hard to view life through rose-tinted glasses when you're in pain. Grief, a less conspicuous emotion, often resides deep in the lungs and heart. To the outside world, it's hidden. It can erupt as anger or a kind of flatness about life – a depression.
Sadness can suck the air out of life, especially when it’s tucked away – ignored. Left unchecked, it can create dis-ease in our bodies. Many people operate from deeply pre-programmed subconscious beliefs – that life is happening to them. Awakening greater consciousness is the moment we realise that we get to co-create our lives and how we interpret the world.
No matter what our age, we have no idea how much time we have left here. Most of us assume eight decades. The reality of course is that there are no guarantees – only that we will all die. Many people work their entire lives, planning and saving for retirements they never got to enjoy. Some defy odds, aging and living on their own terms. Many depart way too soon, without justification. We come into this life with nothing and leave the same way. No removal van accompanies the coffin, as Robin Sharma puts it. Of course, having quality while here is preferred.
“Do not complain about growing old. It is a privilege denied to many.” – Mark Twain
Most people don’t like to talk about aging or death. It’s a taboo subject in the western world. Like the guest we dread will visit one day. ‘Don’t let the old man in’ advised Clint Eastwood.
Most ancient cultures believe the departed are still with us, in the spiritual realm. A great mystery awaits us, to be revealed when our time comes. Those who’ve had near-death experiences and returned often report a consistent theme – blissful peace and that love is all there is. We can call upon the spirits of those who loved us. The Celts believed the veil is thinnest around Samhain (Halloween). So too did the Mexicans – Día de los Muertos. Never forget the ones who walked before us.
And in the meantime, invest quality time with older people. They were once young, bold, and mischievous. They carry clues in their stories that can guide us. They have walked a longer path. Inclusiveness is essential to every culture. The energetic connection that happens when we hug, hold hands, laugh, smile, or sincerely listen to one another – that is what makes us human. Without it, we are robots.
We almost became robots during 2020–21. Overnight mandated lockdowns were a detrimentally dark period for the elderly in Ireland and across much of the world. Discarded, locked out of society, not allowed outside, ‘for their own protection’ resulted in many dying in isolation – or with an alien in a hazmat suit by their side. Many said their goodbyes through a webcam. We can only learn from that shameful chapter and never allow it to happen again.
There comes a time to stand up for what you know in your heart is right. Our elders deserve dignity and care. Recent controversies exposing horrific abuse in care homes across Ireland remind us that we need to discern who we trust. This is a sensitive subject.
Imagine if, instead, we mandated that all elders could jump queues and were guaranteed a seat and a helping hand. In Greece people stood aside to let the elder get to the top of the queue. It was expected and very natural. Why do we need to be told how to behave?
It’s predicted the number of pensioners in Ireland will double by 2051. Will we even be here then? I close this little piece with a quote from a famous American philosopher, Dr Wayne Dyer
‘Don’t die with your music still in you’
If something inside you feels unfinished or unheard, maybe it’s time to tune in. A life coach can help you reconnect with what’s already within - your purpose, your passion, your truth.
Now is the only time we’re promised.
Caroline O'Loughlin @attune2bloom
Life-Coach & Storyteller
What a gift it is to walk peacefully on this earth.